Depend on Him

So there you go, the first week of my exam. And the last week too, actually.
quite a number of occurrences happened, which had really taught me a lot.


While reading this post for quite some time ago, it felt that I was the same shoe as his.
I've never, ever studying seriously for exams ever since I was in primary school. Seriously.

Went for tuition? Nope.
Have a study schedule? Nope.
Studying regularly? ...maybe not.

But still, Allah gave me such outstanding results, even though I personally felt that my efforts weren't really that much, compared to others.
Those who knows me well, knew how I was studying back then.

But now, it is different. Veryy different.
I was like, struggling very very hard to even understand the lectures, not to mention to revise them!
And this blog post from my dear brother resembles a lot of the situation that I've went through.
For a boy who still doesn't have a clear target on what to be ever since in the primary school, choosing engineering is only as an excuse for not to be involved in medical studies

Well, being called as a (so-called) genius since I was 10, really was a test for me.
Trying to excel, for the sake of THEM. For those who believing me as a genius.
Even now, the feelings may still be there in my qalb. How awful. Astaghfirullah.

And at the very moment in the exam hall, where I felt like,
I'M SUCH A SUPER LOSER.
barely able to answer a single thing.
And seriously, that is the first time I went through the feeling in my life.
Haha.

And that is how the tarbiyyah of Allah teaches me.

To do everything for His sake.

To do everything only to obtain His redha.

And to re-realize that, the excellence that I've achieved in the past, are not due to my cleverness or what so ever,
IT'S FROM ALLAH ALONE.

May we not be as arrogant as Qarun, as described by Allah:

"He (Qarun) said, "This (the wealthy) has been given to me only because of the knowledge that I possess!"

[Al-qasas, 28:78]

Na'uuzu billah min zalik.
Astargfirullah.